Thoughts about the guys I have been with.

DSC_0023 copy1. You still pop in my head once in a while and that’s okay.. Or so I keep telling myself. I think it’s a bit unhealthy that I still think we could be friends. Maybe it’s just me thinking how much of a waste it is to just throw away what we had. I am not in love with you but I do care about you. I think it’s a bit sad that no matter what, when you need me, I’ll be there knowing that you won’t be for me.

2. What we were was just a casual, no strings attached relationship. You gave me the thrill.. The excitement I needed when I asked for it. That’s all we were and we’ll ever be.

3. When I first met you, I didn’t really pay any attention to you. You were just like any other guy and then you wore that bow tie one night and you sounded so much like a dork I couldn’t help but think, “Wow, how cute is this guy.” You caught me by surprise and I liked how different you were. Everyone thought you reminded me of him and honestly, you did, in the beginning at least. However, getting to know you, I realized how unique you were. What we had didn’t last long but I thought it was enough.

4. You’re my best friend and the one that taught me that life is nothing without adventures.

5. One night of indecency.

6. Your efforts are not in vain. You are probably the one that loves me the most at this moment. But you seem so perfect that sometimes, I feel like I’m not good enough for you. I can’t give my heart not because I don’t love you too but because I don’t know if I love you enough to put aside everything and be with you. Can you?

7. Finally, I found the one man who I can imagine with for the rest of my life. But you, you’re the one that I want but could never have. Once it becomes too convenient, you start drifting away so fast I actually have to pinch myself to make sure that what we have is not just an illusion. I’ve been trying to purge the memories I have of you and going over them one by one to see what I’m doing wrong. I don’t know if I say too much, say too little, do anything too wild.. Maybe, you just aren’t that into me. But if that’s not the case then I think I deserve a little explanation about how every time it gets too deep, you move away. I don’t know exactly how I feel about you now. All I know is that I truly care about you. It might be love and it might not but I’m not planning to tell you.. And I guess, when it ends, that’s my fault for being a coward.

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