Unless it’s waterproof, mascara runs.

You miss home. Yet, you realize that you made this decision to leave and pursue something you don’t even enjoy. You have to though because you started it. You miss your friends. You miss how you used to hang out every day and talk for hours as if you haven’t talked in a long time. Now, it seems like the time difference creates some sort of barrier between you. It seems that they’ve forgotten you.

You are lonely. You cry every night and no one sees it because deep down, you have to show everyone how happy you are. Between fake smiles and vibrant stories, they wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. You don’t try to make them see. They wouldn’t understand anyways.

You stay awake every night always thinking how much better it would be to just go home and be with the ones you love. Then again, you don’t want to disappoint anyone. You don’t want anyone to think you’re a quitter so here you are, holding on to whatever strength to have left, trying to go on with life and feeling more alone than ever in a city full of people.

And you can’t do anything about it but cry.

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Everything you’ve hidden away will unravel soon enough.

You know what’s so frustrating? The fact that you can’t even blog in peace because you know once you placed it out there in the wide world of the internet, it will always come back and haunt you. Today, I realized, maybe I don’t have what it takes to be a blogger. Maybe I don’t want to put myself out there for people to see my deepest thoughts and feelings. Maybe, just maybe, I wish people would respect me and my privacy. But I guess it’s too much to ask because once you make it public, it’s all out there. I guess I only have myself to blame because I made that choice. What a great day.

What if?

People come and go. Sometimes, they choose to walk out of your life. Sometimes, it’s you who walk out of theirs. But there will always be people who you would never forget. These are the people you shared something special with. Someone who you will always care for.

Your first kiss, your first love, the guy who used to be there for you all the time.. The one that got away.

Everything was great. You thought you were both perfect but then you realize, something just wasn’t right.

Maybe it was because you both weren’t ready because if you are not ready, it doesn’t matter who you’re with. It just doesn’t work out. Little problems become so big. It’s pathetic how you reacted to it when you look back.

But then one day, you’re ready and maybe he’s ready too. That day comes.. The day when you’re sure and you know. You’re probably a different person now and he might be too. You finally understand who you are and what you want. Then you think about him.. The one that got away. You think about him and you wonder, “What if?”

What if you’re both single? What do you do?

Will you find him?